The pursuit of pillow paradise — Robin writes by Robin Garrison Leach

May 22, 2023

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Finding a comfortable pillow is something I’ve taken on as a kind of bucket list item. And I have wasted plenty of time and money looking for it.

Robin Garrison Leach

I used to have the perfect bed pillow. It was filled with foam chunks and had gray, striped ticking on the outside. That pillow traveled through life with me for many, many years.

By the time I finally threw it away, it was disgusting; threadbare and smooshed. But I am mourning the loss of that pillow.

Since then, I have been searching the world for a comfortable replacement.

I am as amazed as you that it is taking this long.

Now, I’m not a picky person. My life is a simple one, and I don't require fancy things. My clothes are nothing special and I’d rather have three cheap pairs of jeans in my closet than one pair of designer jeans. Quality matters, I know, but I’m a quantity girl.

I love a good yard sale and I do my share of bidding on eBay. All in all, I think I settle for "good enough" in life. But finding a comfortable pillow is something I’ve taken on as a kind of bucket list item. And I have wasted plenty of time and money looking for it.

Nothing is unusual in my upper-body structure. My head is normal, I think. Not brick-heavy or lopsided. My neck, while probably thicker than my teen years, still separates my face from my shoulders in the usual way. My shoulders are rounded, as always, and still jab into a mattress nicely.

Surely there is a pillow on earth that can please me.

The problem is, there are just too many options out there. From filling to size to thickness to cover material to health benefits to price. And since I’m easily swayed by ads online and on TV, my heavy-laden head is spinning.

The pillow filling is a big consideration. Feathers are out. I’ve tried them in hotels and they hurt my neck. Solid foam is too thick, but the pillows filled with cottony clumps of polyester slide around and feel lumpy. I’ve bought pillows with foam chunks, but the chunks are not the right size and shape.

I’ve cut open pillows and removed handfuls of filling, trying to find that perfect height and consistency. I save the filling just in case the pillow flattens. When I die, my daughter will forever wonder what I’d planned to do with that Walmart bag in the closet, filled with cotton clumps and foam pellets.

Since I’m mainly a side sleeper, I tried pillows designed for that. You know; the ones with a notch carved out of the middle to make it easier to tuck an arm under.

I felt as though my head was surrounded by a giant, smothering helmet.

I’ve bought and bought, tossing pillows into my car from both discount stores and elite shops. I invested in a spine-aligning one from my chiropractor. I’ve ordered pillows filled with buckwheat.

I’ve tried ones with both memory foam and amnesia foam. Memory foam denies my right to punch it into compliance, and amnesia foam flops flat in lazy defeat to the slightest pressure.

One by one, I ended up shoving pillow after pillow into the bottom of the closet. Surely, someone besides me will need a spare pillow. I have plenty and they are too expensive to throw out.

The pillow I had all those years ago was probably cheap. I’ll bet Mom grabbed it from a bin in a now-defunct discount store when she was picking up her monthly box of Breeze detergent with a washcloth inside.

But it was my dream pillow, and life hasn't been the same since I had to let it go.

My pillow search continues. I hope I find the perfect one before I have to settle for the tiny (probably uncomfortable) satin one that will cradle me to eternity.

Robin Garrison Leach can be reached at [email protected].